November 01st, 2021

10 minutes to meditate and 10 minutes to write.

Gosh, my heart is heavy. And nausea kreeps in. The nausea of loss. Today it i the loss of my old life. The loss of tribe. The loss of friends. It is rare that I am left feeling so alone. were I to be on El Camino de Santiago, I would be alone. Gladly alone. But yesterday was Halloween ad in the tradition of my group, a great fantastical creative world was created and since last year was cancelled, I was happy to participate. Inneed of creativity and joy and connection. the world was a Fantasy Candy Factory and we were clowns, dispersing candy. Clownd that did not speak, but made sounds. I was given a reacher pincher upon arrrival and went to the corner of the property and slowly, silently, reached out my candy in the pincher, wating for someone to see it. And then there was the individual interaction with each kid. or thier adult. It was really fun. Playing, interacting with each person. that was such a gift. Everyone else, all aother clowns lined the front of the lawn and gave out candy. There were signs that read, "Choose a Clown to give you candy" I was at the end of the line, at the corner. And I heard a number of adultes say, "She is the best" There were lots of laughs. A few scared tears of the kids, and sympathetic laughs from their adults. But all in all, it was good cheer all around. Lots of laughs. Lots of fun connection. Lots of play. And I'm so grateful for that opportunity. To be able to connect iwth people again. To bring them joy.