just the start

The day I finished listening to The Pilgrimage I came across this piece at an art show. 

​Beauty. Exquisite beauty. Effortless. Radiant. Effortless beauty. The beaty that makes you gasp. The beauty of the sound that makes your heart stop. The beauty ofmusic played from the soul. Beauty that does not stop. The beauty to behold of magic and wonder.
 
This is what I aspire to experience and embody.
The knowing the feeling the being of beauty.
 
It is part of the refinement of aging. Along with the other parts of life that need mantaning and strengthening. Along with that is beauty.
 
SO that the external world reflects the internal.
 
I am drawn now to go internal.
I am now becoming more interested in the parts of myself that I can not see but that I know are there. The energy I can not see but I can feel. The support aroundme that I can not see, but keeps me afloat.
The invisible cheerleaders.
The hammock that has kept me lifted and supported my whole life but now, moreso than ever.
You see, within the past 6 months, I have lost my father, and I now have no parents. My home of 24 years has been placed on the market, and my career is in need of an entire overhawl. My unemployment expired September 4th.
I am at a moment in my life with a wide wide open expanse in front of me unlike I have ever had before. And I feel almost completely unteathered. And yet, the part of me that knows I’m ok is the part of complete blind faith.
And a belief that I am capable of creating or co-creating my life.
I am choosing to do that with a practice of deepening faith and surrender to all that I cannot see but trust is there. Support. Energetic support.
The beauty of presence is exactly the state that I am living now, day to day.
I had planned on walking El Camino de Santiago after my father passed and this is the exact time I planned on being there. But the pandamic changed that plan.