here we go

On the fist day of my internal pilgriamage  I went on a hike that could have been a dusty road in Spain. 
Intention: to 

Starting a blog. It seemed like the easiest idea. So her it goes.
Sunday. Day 4.
This was the time I was planning on going on El Camino De Santiago. It's been six months since my father has passed. Nearly to the day. I was preparted. Not at all surprosed. Only surprised that he lived so long. It is three years since his first round of pneumonia. The one that was expected to be fatal. But he would have nono f it. He loved life too much. Especially at the end. His final years. when his body was failing in so many ways, For over a year, he had only access to use of his right arm and turnin gof his head. His mental afuclies were usually in tact, although his reality was permeable. He often recounted the same memories of his yearlier years over and over again. Shortly after his first round of phemonia, he needed a new mattress. He gained an electric hospital bed at home. He instructed me that the best mattresses were filled with horse hair and asked if we could get him one. I told him that advancements had been made over the past 100 years.
But the purpose of walking el comino, for me, would be to well, another time. Stephen is insiting on placing himself in my line of vision while working out and jumping rope. this is not the place to go internal.
Today is day four on my internal pilgramage. I fear I may have made the wrong choice to come to the park for a class with Stephen. I honestly would have prefered to have stayed in bed, l
It is KUSC's Fall membership drive. I make a one time donation,w hich will be matched and doubled, during my favorite show, A MUSICAL OFFERING. Two hours of Barouque music on Sunday mornings. It has been a stabilizing presence during the pandemic. Consistancy that has carried over from my pre-pandamic life. One thing I would like to keep. There aren't many other things. Now is the time of change. Huge transsition, as I take this time to rewrite how I do my life. Ona adaily level. On a grand level. Setting up how I want to live for the rest of my life.
Constantly tweaking my inner life. So that my outer life would reflect it.

A live dedicated to deepening ny relationship tiwht my intertnal world. the energetic forces that surround me and support me. the parts of me that I can not see. maintaining and build the parts of me that I can see.
tNoticin what I cave control over. And what I don't.

And at the moment, I feel I owe myself an apolgy - and a forgeviness. I thought the opportunity to come with Stephen this morning to the par in Encino, would be a nice way to connect. I enjoyed his class in Plummer Park so much, I though it would be great to take this class, as well. And the weather. So beautiful, crisp. cool. And these were all intellectual decisions. Overriding how I felt when I actually woke up this morning. And now that I am in the car with 20 minutes before the start of class, I ​